weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
