Pappa wants mamma naked
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
