Already got asked if we're dating
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
