In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
