my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
