Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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