currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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