I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
