He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
