Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
