I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
