we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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