why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
