next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
