"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
