i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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