went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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