fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
