i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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