i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
