can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
