i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
