By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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