Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
