I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
