She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
