After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
