I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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