Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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