yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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