Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
