He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
