Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
