They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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