It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
