So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
