it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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