You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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