Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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