I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I showed him my bush... on skype.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
