just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
