Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You ever have a fart follow you around?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
