Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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