btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
