if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
