so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
