One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
