My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
