I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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