i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
